Saturday was a hard day . . .
. . . lots of tears on and off throughout the day. No specific reason. Despite living a new normal due to the pandemic, all is well including my family and loved ones.
The best way I can describe it was like feeling the pain of the world; sensing a huge shift of energy and outpouring all over the world. The world’s tears seemed to flow in and through my consciousness without judgement, only allowing.
Chaim Bentorah in his book, Journey Into Silence, calls it “that special room in God’s heart, that quiet room, that weeping room.” On Saturday, I was “permitted to see the hearts He is holding in His hands, those hearts that He weeps over,” as Mr. Bentorah writes.
I went for a long walk, holding all in Her presence; praying in my Spirit language because English words just could not adequately express the knowing in my heart. This brought some measure of peace, but there was still weepiness. I concluded the day mindfully aware of the many broken, hurting and weary hearts worldwide. Thankfully, “The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain . . .” Psalm 34:18.
Sunday was a little better . . .
. . . just felt kind of wiped out; like I had surfed a huge wave of grief and was washed ashore exhausted. I listened on-line to several inspired messages from beloved Pastors which helped greatly, but mostly I was just plain tuckered out with little motivation or energy.
Then this morning . . .
. . . as intently as I burned with sadness on Saturday, I burned with almost the same intensity of gratitude and the joy of aliveness.
I was up early as I needed to go to Martins for a few groceries during the senior hour. Gratitude filled my heart as I watched employees stock shelves and negotiate social distancing in the store. Each employee I encountered received a “thank you for being here today” from me and one lovely gentleman told me to be careful. I thanked him and offered him the same. There was no pretense at all only kindness and love with each interaction.
Once home I sat in my office watching the birds play in the Japanese Maple that is just outside my window. This pretty little Finch sat perched on the highest, tiniest branch and sang a little concert. I was fascinated by how she stretched her neck upwards to twitter her melodies and then settled back down when quiet. What a gift to be granted the privilege to attend such a beautiful musical recital!
This too must be God’s heart.
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